Teeny Tiny Thoughts - Wednesday - Late Night Crys, Teen Wolf and Anchors
Happy day to you! Before I say anything, I would like it if you'd quickly watch this video:
Sometimes, it all gets a little too much. No, I'm not just quoting Shawn Mendes, I am telling the truth. I think we all know the days when we lie in bed at 11.00 PM or even later at night, fully awake and just having too many thoughts in your mind which make it unbelievably hard to just fall asleep. I don't know why but I always seem to have these moments after a really good day. As though a good day would have to be ruined by bad thoughts hunting you late at night. I don't know about you, but to me it's no secret that everything seems ways much worse in the dark, everything seems big and frightening.
To get at least a little bit closer to the actual point of this post, I'd like to tell you about my experience yesterday. Yesterday was a hell of a good day, everything happening exactly the way you'd expect it, no bad surprises, no stress. I met a few friends that I hadn't seen in a while and it was really fun - as I said, generally just a really good day. But in the evening when I had finished watching tons of episodes of Navy CIS (this series is sooooo good!) I decided to go to bed and get some sleep. BUT NO. Of course my brain didn't want to let this good day stay a good day and I just couldn't fall asleep. And I can tell you, if you are emotionally unstable at times, like every normal human being kind of is, some more, some less (I'll count myself to the ones in the middle), I can tell you that lying awake at a time past midnight and thinking about your social life is not the best thing to do at this time. Except if your social life is perfect and you don't ever even think about doubting yourself or your relationship to others. What I doubt anyone can say about themselves or their social life. However, I ended up - not for the first time - being so shocked about my own and other people's behavior that I couldn't help having thousands of enlightenments and feeling like Buddha himself, just to realize that I'd started crying a couple of minutes later. And trust me, if you haven't ever experienced this yourself, this is not a good feeling. But this wasn't the worst part yet, since I like to exaggerate things a little these kinds of late night depression attacks have not been a rare thing for me in the last couple of months, though I have to say that I don't think they are anything to take too seriously. I think it's my own way of dealing with being a Teenager, going through puberty and all the stuff.
But the thing that was different yesterday from other times, was what happened after I had managed to calm myself down and convinced myself that my life isn't that bad and that there are loads of people on this planet who have way worse and more important problems than the ones I'm dealing with. Usually, I fall asleep like a baby after those kinds of outbursts but for some reason my mind still couldn't shut down properly. And after a while of lying there and feeling uncomfortable I realized that every single thought that I'd had in the past couple of minutes had made me feel bad in any way and I tried to find any subject - literally anything - that I could think about without feeling bad or becoming sad again. And this is where Teen Wolf gets into this. I don't know whether you watch teen wolf and in case you're not (which you should definitely change) I'm going to give you a quick summary of what it is about.
Basically, it's about a couple of teenagers who get thrown into the world of supernatural, without any kind of warning or preparation. The main character gets bitten by a werewolf in the first episode what makes him be a werewolf as well. And this is where the anchor comes into the game. In the series, anchors are what helps them to control themselves, for example Scott (Protagonist) uses his anchor (basically a thought of something that helps him control himself) to control his shifting from human to wolf and the other side around.
And that was what suddenly popped up into my mind yesterday, giving me the idea of creating my own anchor. An anchor which I could use whenever I'd find myself in this situation again, in the situation when every thought that is available in your mind just seems to stress you or make you sad. So I figured I needed an anchor to control my shifting from a happy and soulful teenage girl to a sad, pessimistic and unhappy person who doesn't want to leave bed at all.
And guess what was the next thought in this (not so) brilliant mind of mine! I thought about my blog. I don't know whether this blog is a good anchor yet but yesterday it definitely worked and I drifted into a nice and dreamless sleep after only a minutes of thinking about this on here, this amazing community.
To be honest, I don't really know what I am trying to tell you by sharing this story but I want to publish this in case any of you have similar problems and - who knows - maybe you can take this as an advice..?
And also, I'd like to thank you all, every single one of you, for being here and being the persons you are because without this blog, I would have probably spent a couple of more sleepless hours in my bed yesterday night.
Thanks very much...